Snow Job, Inc.

We offer a complete suite of services to solve all your paranormal needs.

Capture

We will isolate, digitize, and remove any ghosts in any well-defined proximity. We take pride in treating ghosts humanely, and do not obliterate or otherwise cause harm to the ghosts we capture. The digitization process we employ is completely painless, and is guaranteed to not leave or create any new tortured souls or residual haunting in the infested area. All of our methods have been approved by GHOST (Group for the Humane Operation of Supernatural Traps), and exceeds their Class 3 specifications.

Containment

After ghosts have been digitized, they will need to be stored indefinitely. We offer a complete range of hosting and backup plans specially tuned for long-term ghost storage. We use only humane compression and replication methods and guarantee 99.9999% uptime and zero data corruption.

We've found that it is common for strong personal attachments to have been established with contained ghosts, and for this we also offer DNS (Demon Name Service) to help you easily locate and communicate with your lost loved ones. We offer XMPP-standard based communication protocols, as well as a party chat mode for virtual seances.

Cover-up

We understand that ghost infestations can be a very personal and potentially embarrassing matter and strive to maintain the strictest confidentiality in our operations. However, in many cases, problems may have arisen before our services were requested, and in these cases, we offer a variety of evidence elimination services for any leaks that may have transpired. Our methods are 100% government-approved and have previously been employed and perfected in the field during the Slovakian Egg Crisis and the Beatergate Scandal. You don't remember those? Exactly.

For particularly traumatic experiences, we also offer complete memory wipes for our clients. To avoid any potential contractual disputes after completion of this service, we require 100% payment in advance, to be made in untraceable form. We leave all our clients with only vague, joyful memories of a flawless customer experience.